The holiday season has come and gone, passing us by like it does every year while leaving our homes wrecked with enough shredded wrapping paper and gift bags to fill five dump trucks. Our bodies become overwhelmed with the intense and abusive caloric intake of deviled eggs, egg nogg, cookies, apple pies, overcooked turkey, booze, … More A Mad Christmas
Since I started my new job a few months ago I’ve had to go back to doing something that everyone hates. Yet everyone in America has no choice but to participate in this soul-sucking task. No, I’m not talking about going to the DMV. This time. I’m talking about commuting in weekday traffic. The traffic … More Traffic Needs An Enema
It’s the Summer of 2022 and this is the first writing I’ve done here in a while. In the past two years it seems many Armageddon-worthy events happened. The dastardly pandemic continued to spread like a California wildfire. The entire US west coast and parts of Europe were engulfed in a California wildfire. A plague … More Dispatches From Armageddon
With everything going on the world today such as the public health crisis, the murder hornets and meth gators, and probably some ninjas (those sneaky bastards), these are things that have led to many of our favorite events and pastimes being canceled. Because of this I’ve recently realized that one of my favorite events has … More The Super Accurate Renaissance Faire Guide
This past Saturday was Independence Day in the United States. Or, as Americans refer to it in their local vernacular, the day of barbeques, beer, high-powered explosives, beer, blown off fingertips, a drunk Florida man putting a saddle on a gator, beer, sparkler sword fights, beer, and FREEEEEEEDDDDOOOOMMM! And maybe some eagles and shit. Independence … More The Battle of Independence Day
I went to the grocery store last night to gather the usual apocalypse supplies of almond flour, coconut flour, apple cider vinegar, and jalapeno-flavored pork rinds. As one does. What am I making with that stuff? I could be making Keto bread rolls. I could be recreating a type of industrial-strength spackle used by the … More Grocery Shopping In The Apocalypse
Recently my Grandma mailed me my father’s books from Oklahoma. You see, in early January, only two days after my relationship ended, I received the phone call that no one wants to get. On a Thursday, my Grandma called to inform me that my father had died just that morning. Basically it was a … More The Books Of My Father
We’ve all wondered if there is a special pill or magic potion for near-instant and miraculous weight loss. We’ve all seen those infomercials at 3:43 a.m. Those same infomercials that will offer solutions to problems we never really had, and probably still don’t, like a remote-controlled discrete testicle scratcher, an intercontinental ballistic plunger, or a … More No Magic Potion For Weight Loss
I went to a used bookstore today. It’s been several months since I, and likely many of us, have been able to do so. The store requires you to wear a mask while inside, and that was no trouble. In fact, I think it could be fun to get a Cthulhu mask or a Luchadore … More Understanding a Book Lover
Sometimes when you look at your own life, it can be like that scene in Lord of the Rings where Frodo looks into Galadriel’s mirror. Only instead of seeing your own possible future that may involve an epic quest, a long-bearded wizard in robes, and smoking & drinking with hobbits, you look at your present … More The Self-Reflection Pool
An Incredible Madness 